By Jv Ramos

Anyone who follows Ballet Manila soloist Joshua Enciso in social media knows that his artistic pursuits go beyond ballet. He dabbles in photography and film, often documenting Ballet Manila’s performances and out of town trips; sings while playing the guitar and composes his own tunes from time to time; and designs products and collaterals for his small business with fellow soloist Shaira Comeros called Plié Clothing. 

Always hungry to learn and try new things, including visiting various places on a bike or motorcycle, Joshua refers to himself as “an explorer” and claims, “At mas lalo pa akong nag-explore nang nangyari ang lockdown.” (And I became more of an explorer during the lockdown.) 

In fact, when the two-week community lockdown was imposed last year, this danseur, who had just wrapped up a season with Ballet Manila, immediately immersed himself in a new project that he didn’t feel what was supposed to be a 14-day break. “Hindi ko masyadong napansin, kasi nakatutok ako sa business namin. Nag-de-design ako ng poster at busy sa pag-promote. Kasisimula lang kasi namin ni Shaira noon. Nasa Divisoria nga kami para bumili ng supplies nu’ng nalaman namin na magkakaroon ng lockdown.” (I didn’t notice the break too much, since I was too preoccupied with our business. I was designing the poster and busy promoting. Because at that time, Shaira and I just started. We were actually in Divisoria when we found out that there was going to be a lockdown.)

It was only after attending to his start-up duties that the consequences of the community quarantine – which kept getting prolonged – began to truly sink in. “Pumasok sa utak ko na ang arts talaga ang unang mawawala kung may pandemic, kaya nag-isip-isip ako ng ibang paraan para kumita. (It occurred to me that the performing arts would be among the first things to go if there’s a pandemic, so I started to think about how I could earn.)

That’s when he decided to be a food delivery rider on a part-time basis, signing up with Food Panda. Since he owned a motorcycle and deliveries were in demand, he felt it was the practical choice. (Joshua’s father, Carlo, who’s a seaman, had to come home as a result of the pandemic and is also working as a rider with Food Panda for now.)

“Okay naman po ang maging rider. Unang araw ko pa lang, sampung delivery na ginawa ko sa shift na limang oras,” Joshua shares. “Siyempre, nakakatakot din! Delikado dahil nga may COVID-19, pero kailangan ko gawin ito para makatulong sa pamilya.” (It’s okay being a rider. During my first day, I made 10 deliveries in a five-hour shift. Of course, I was also scared! It can also be very dangerous since there’s COVID-19. But I still have to do it in order to help my family.) 

Joshua says he is not bothered by what others may think and say about what he’s doing. He shrugs his shoulders if some would perceive being a food delivery driver as a downgrade from his former life of traveling abroad to participate in dance festivals and competitions and taking on roles during the company’s performance seasons. 

“Hindi na normal times ngayon,” reasons Ballet Manila’s youngest male soloist, sounding way beyond his 21 years. “May mga dapat tayong gawin na hindi natin ginagawa noon.” (We don’t live in normal times anymore. So there are things that we have to do now that we didn’t do before.) 

But while being a rider is keeping him busy and is helpful in contributing to family finances, he asserts that ballet is still his top priority. He actually only attends to food deliveries when he’s not busy teaching or demonstrating for the Lisa Macuja School of Ballet and taking virtual company classes with Ballet Manila. 

“Kahit ano pa ang pasukin ko, ballet pa rin ang magiging unang priority ko,” the company soloist says firmly.  “Dance is my first love. Bata pa lang ako, sumasayaw na ako. Tapos, dito [sa ballet] na rin ako pinaka-naging ako. Kapag sinabing Joshua, gusto ko talaga na ang naiisip ay ballet dancer ako. Kaya naman kahit ano, ginagawa ko para mapagpatuloy ang pagsasayaw ko.” (Whatever activity I engage in, ballet will still be my top priority. Dance is my first love. Ever since I was young, I’ve always loved to dance. And it is here in ballet where I really became me; it’s my identity.  Whenever Joshua is mentioned, I’d like for them to think that I’m a ballet dancer, which is why I’ll do everything to continue my dancing.)

Joshua has gone to great lengths to pursue his love for dance during the pandemic. He has turned his family’s garage into a mini studio that even has good flooring and a barre, traveled from Muntinlupa to Bulacan then to Pasay riding his motorcycle to pick up Shaira when Ballet Manila was doing limited in-studio classes, and come up with his own ways to stay fit so that when live performances are allowed again, he’d be in good shape.

This unwavering passion and determination to continue his craft, however, is not without moments of doubts. “Minsan, naiisip ko rin na hopeless na! Baka hindi na ako maka-perform ulit. Naisip ko rin na kung wala na ang sayaw, eh di dapat wala na rin ako!” (There are times when I would think that things are already hopeless! That we may never be able to perform again. I’ve also thought that since dance no longer exists then I shouldn’t be around anymore.)

To cope, Joshua would open up to his mother Liza, who would then remind him about all the opportunities and joyful moments Ballet Manila has given him. “Sinasabi rin niya sa akin na huwag ko iwanan si Ma’am Lise [Lisa Macuja Elizalde] at Sir Shaz [Osias Barroso]. Kung ako nahihirapan, eh di mas lalo na sila, dahil buong Ballet Manila ay buhat-buhat nila. Bukod kay Mama, ang nagbibigay sa akin ng lakas ay ang mga kaibigan ko sa ballet. I-ni-encourage namin ang isa’t-isa.” (She would also remind me not to leave Ma’am Lise and Sir Shaz. If I’m having a difficult time, what more the artistic directors who carry the entire weight of the company? Other than my Mom, my friends and colleagues in ballet give me strength. We encourage one another.)

The encouragement among peers – namely those whom Joshua also shares a band with [Ballet Manila company members Rodney Catubay, John Carl Concepcion and Rafael Perez and trainee Emmerson Evangelio] – extends to whatever job or activity they engage in outside ballet. They push each other to be productive by either taking on jobs or pursuing further studies [Joshua is also enrolled in a course on motorcycle automotive], as well as hang on to that dream of returning to and sharing the stage once more.

But if escaping his demons demands more than speaking to family and colleagues, Joshua just turns to his first love. “Gumagawa ako ng self-choreography dito sa maliit na space ko. Minsan talaga, kailangan ko lang gumawa ng sayaw para ma-release ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko,” the USA International Ballet Competition participant explains.  (I would engage in self-choreography here in the limited space I have. There are times when I just have to create a dance to release the weight I’m feeling.)

These moments of releasing emotions and coming up with his own choreography isn’t a passing phase though, as this danseur has always dreamt of becoming a known Filipino choreographer just like his idols Augustus “Bam” Damian and Ernest Mandap. “Iyan talaga ang una sa listahan ko – na maging sikat na choreographer dito sa bansa. Gusto kong makagawa ng choreography na parang kay Bam. Sobrang linis, hindi nawawalan ng tao sa stage, at ang intensity ay paakyat lang nang paakyat. Ang gusto ko naman makuha kay Ernest ay ang galing niya sa improvisation o free movement. Ballet man o modern choreography, gusto kong gawin!” (That’s the first thing on my list – to be a known choreographer here in the country. I want to be able to come up with choreography that’s like Bam’s. It’s very clean, you’ll always find dancers onstage, and the intensity just keeps building up. And what I’d like to get from Ernest is his mastery of improvisation or free movement. Whether an opportunity calls for a ballet or modern choreography, I would like to do it.) 

It’s no surprise therefore that he is always excited to choreograph for the students of the Lisa Macuja School of Ballet for its virtual recitals. Joshua, in fact, even composed his own music for a choreography he recently did. “Pero bago music, ang kailangan mo muna tignan ay ang kakayahan ng dancer.” (But before choosing the music, you’d have to look at a dancer’s abilities.) He notes that it’s more than just about what skill he or she has, however. The choreographer also has to study how dancers convey emotions through movement. Regardless of how a dancer combines emotion and movement though, he will always be game to choreograph. “Napakalawak ng mundo ng sayaw. Kaya kahit sino man ang sasayaw, may choreography na puwedeng bumagay.” (The world of dance is so dynamic. So regardless of who the dancer is, one can always come up with choreography that would match his/her ability.)

Given that Joshua engages in many activities and seems to be always ready to take on challenges, we can’t help but ask if he ever feels lazy to do things. He replies, “Siyempre naman! Lalo na kung sobrang pagod na ako! May mga times na gusto ko na lang matulog.”  (Of course, I get lazy. It usually happens when I’m very tired. There are moments when I just want to sleep.) 

Joshua, however, puts forward that if there’s one thing the pandemic has consistently shown him, it’s that life is short, so he’ll keep exploring and trying new things, while readying himself for that moment when the curtains open again. “Gutom na ang katawan ko. Ready na ako sumayaw!” (My body is hungry to perform in front of a live audience. I’m ready to dance!)