By Jv Ramos

Unwaveringly optimistic, ballerina Jessica Pearl Dames wasn’t weighed down by anxieties when the enhanced community quarantine was first imposed in March 2020. This 26-year-old just did what she had always done whenever she’s on break: to do workouts or strengthen her body, so that when the performance season came, the Ballet Manila soloist would be ready for the long days of rehearsals and the series of shows. 

Of course, having days without regular company classes and rehearsals has permitted her to dive into new activities. “Marami akong nagawa na di ko nagagawa dati,” says a grateful Pearl. “Noong mga naunang buwan, madalas akong mag-TikTok.” (I was able to do many things that I didn’t use to do before... During the early months, I would often do TikTok.) A social networking service that allows people to share short-form videos, TikTok wasn’t something that Pearl imagined herself getting into, but since the platform allowed her to air snippets of her dancing life indoors, she went for it. 

In the popular social platform, she would choreograph modern pieces to melodies she loves and would even pull in her twin sister Pia, a principal dancer at Ballet Manila, to join her. “Iba-iba kasi ang sayaw. May mga sayaw na puwede mong gawin mag-isa,” explains Pearl, who clearly has a knack for modern choreography. “Pero may iba na mas okay kung may kasama ka… Na-adik ako sa TikTok noon, at tumigil din dahil nagsawa ako. Pero ngayon, iniisip kong simulan ulit.” (Dances are different. There are dances which you can do alone. And there are dances which look better when you’re performing it with someone… I got addicted to TikTok back then, and quit when I got tired of it. But now, I’m considering being active in it again.) 

Pearl excitedly shares that she has also been baking, something which she had previously failed in. She recalls that when her boyfriend Sean Pelegrin, also a professional ballet dancer, gave her an oven a long time ago, her cupcakes turned out to be more like mamon (Filipino sponge cake) while the frosting, which was only whipped cream before, just melted. “Siyempre, di ko naman matutukan ang baking noon. Pagod na pagod na kasi kami sa pagsayaw. Pero noong nagkaroon ng lockdown, natuto na ako.” (I just really didn’t have the time to focus on baking before. Classes and rehearsals just left me too tired. But when the lockdown took place, I was able to learn a lot more about baking.) 

Not only did Pearl master cupcakes, she has also learned how to make cookies, pizza, and pandesal! She has been getting tips from her Singapore-based mom, Maria Hawkins, who is a baking enthusiast. 

“At ngayon naman po, medyo plantita naman ako!” exclaims Pearl, sharing that she’s fond of growing herbs and morning glory. “Nakakatuwa na na-re-realize ko nang paisa-isa na kaya ko pala gawin ang iba’t-ibang bagay.” (Right now, I’m starting to be a plantita… It’s amazing to realize little by little that I can do all sorts of activities.)

But perhaps the most important skill that Pearl has picked up during this period of prolonged lockdown is teaching ballet. Given that all live performances have been put on hold, she and some of her fellow Ballet Manila dancers were hired to teach and do demonstrations at The Lisa Macuja School of Ballet. 

“Hindi madali ang pagtuturo ng ballet para sa akin,” confesses the ballerina. “Lalo na kung online. Feeling ko nga ang na-e-experience namin ngayon ang pinakamahirap na pagtuturo. Sa ballet kasi, may mga beses na kailangan mo talaga hawakan ang tinuturuan para maintindihan niya.” (Teaching ballet is not easy for me. Especially now that it’s virtual. I really have a feeling that this is the most difficult kind of teaching. In ballet, there are times when you’d have to touch and move a student’s body, so the student could understand your correction better.)  Now, to make students understand, all you can do is explain. 

“Hindi masyado para sa akin ang teaching noong una, dahil hirap ako sa pag-explain. Pero dahil isang taon na rin ang lumipas, natuto at nasanay na rin ako.” (Teaching wasn’t for me at first because it’s difficult for me to explain. But because I have been doing it for almost a year now, I have gotten used to it and have learned how to teach better.) Pearl adds that she’s very grateful to experience teaching now because in the future, when she’s retired from performing, teaching the next generation of dancers is the path she would like to take.  

Part of this teaching path is being able to continue choreographing pieces for students. “Modern man o classical, okay naman sa akin,” replies the dancer when asked what kind of choreography she would like to pursue. “Matrabaho rin ang choreography, pero na-e-enjoy ko ito. Ang choreography ko ay depende sa estudyante. Kung bata pa lang, gusto ko na masaya sila kapag sumasayaw, at kung mas learned naman ang estudyante, gusto ko na ma-challenge sila sa choreography ko para mas lalo silang gumaling.” (Modern or classical, I’m willing to choreograph any… Choreography is also a lot of work for me, but I enjoy it. My choreography choices depend on the students involved. If they’re very young, I come up with a choreography which they can dance and enjoy. If they’re more learned, I come up with a challenging choreography so they can improve further.)

Like her colleagues, Pearl has had to do adjustments in her living space, so she can teach and attend company classes from home. “Tinanggal ko na ang bed ko para maging studio ang kwarto ko, at nagbawas na rin kami ng gamit ni Pia dito sa condo. Buti na lang nga pareho kaming maliit,” jokes the soloist. “Kaunti lang ang space na kailangan namin, at pwede kaming sumayaw at tumalon na walang natatamaan. Minsan talaga, may advantage ang pagiging maliit.” (I removed my bed so I can use my room as a studio. Pia and I have also lessened our belongings in the condo, so that there’s more space to dance… It’s a good thing that Pia and I are small. We don’t need that much space. We can dance and jump all we want without hitting anything.)

She stresses that as sisters, they made a choice to stay at home as much as possible because if one or both of them were to get sick, the situation would be very difficult to manage. “At bilang dancer, back to square one ka na naman kung magkasakit ka. Kailangan mo ulit i-build up ang katawan mo para makasayaw ka.” (As a dancer, you’d have to go back to square one after getting sick. You’d have to start again with conditioning your body so you can perform well next time.) 

The choice of staying at home most of the time, however, has not stopped them from participating in Ballet Manila’s virtual offerings, such as Gerardo Francisco’s Walang Hanggang Paalam and Martin Lawrance’s Home. For both videos, Pearl recalls having to learn the choreography and rehearse quickly – usually less than a day – before they would head out to go to the shoot.

“Lumalabas lang talaga kami ni PIa kung kailangan. Like kung may video shoot or may assignment na mag-perform,” explains Pearl. (Pia and I only step out when we really need to. Like if there is a company video shoot or if we are assigned to perform.) For the latter, she’s referring to the pocket performance that she and her sister did at SM Aura late last November. Assigned to present an excerpt from The Nutcracker to welcome the Christmas season, Pearl admits she was scared about going out, but the excitement of dancing in front of a live audience outweighed it. 

“Grateful ako sa opportunity na makapag-perform kasi nga ilang buwan na kami na walang live performance.” (I’m very grateful for the opportunity to perform, especially since it had been months since our last live performance.) The soloist, however, points out that the thrill and excitement she would usually get on stage weren’t entirely present then. For one thing, the mall audience was limited. Not to mention, the floral masks they had to wear prevented the audience from seeing their facial expressions while performing, which only made her miss performing in a theater setting even more. “Feeling ko talaga, maiiyak ako kapag nakasayaw na ulit kami sa teatro. Ang tagal-tagal na kasi!” (I have a feeling that I would be very teary-eyed when we get to dance in the theater again. It has just been too long!) 

Asked if there’s a particular role she would like to tackle when Ballet Manila comes back after the pandemic, Pearl just goes, “Same pa rin. Wala akong dream role. Kahit anong role na ibagay sa akin ni Ma’am Lise (Lisa Macuja Elizalde) o Sir Shaz (Osias Barroso), gusto kong sayawin. Ang mahalaga sa akin ay makasayaw sa stage.” (When we come back, I think it’ll be the same. I won’t have a dream role. I would just be happy to dance whatever role Ma’am Lise and Sir Shaz give me. All that matters is I get to perform again.)

“Napaka-challenge kasi sa akin ang hindi makapagsayaw. Buong buhay ko kasi, sumasayaw ako,” stresses Pearl. “Sobrang sumaya nga ako nang ginawa na nilang everyday ang company classes namin. Feeling ko kasi we’re heading back to normal.” (It’s such a big challenge for me not to dance. I’ve been dancing my whole life after all... I actually became so happy when our company classes were scheduled every day again. I feel that it somehow signifies that we are heading back to normal.)

Recognizing that there are still many changes that would have to happen before a performance season is actualized, Pearl still makes it a point to cast aside negative thoughts. “Kapag may pumapasok na negative, nilalalabanan ko talaga ng something positive. Dati ko pa ito ginagawa. Tapos kapag ginagawa ko ito, madalas, may magandang nangyayari.” (Whenever negativity hits, I would really fight it with positive thoughts. This is something I would always do. And whenever I do that, usually, something good happens.)

“May katapusan din ito,” assures the chirpy yet realistic Pearl. And once it’s all over, she would like to be ready to take the stage, and to come out of what seems like a never-ending community quarantine, as someone who has always held on to hope and that dream of sharing the gift of dance. “Forward-looking lang lagi!”  (There’s an end to all these… We always have to be forward-looking!)