By Jv Ramos

Used to having days packed with company classes and rehearsals, principal dancer Joan Emery Sia saw the March 2020 lockdown as nothing else but a two-week opportunity to rest and recharge for what was to come for Ballet Manila. 

“At that time, we had just finished Carmina Burana and La Traviata, so I thought that the lockdown would just be a good break, a time to recuperate, take it slow, and eventually, get ready to rehearse for the tour of Ibong Adarna,” shares Joan through a recent Zoom interview. “But the two weeks became another two weeks and another!”

What they pictured as a summer of rehearsing for a national tour of Gerardo Francisco’s Ibong Adarna – a series of regional performances that would complement Ballet Manila’s 25th performance season – became months of not stepping foot in the studio, having to take company classes physically apart and via Zoom, and conditioning their minds and bodies on their own.  

“To be honest, I did not take it well in the early months,” confesses the Cagayan de Oro-born ballerina, noting that everyone experiences living in lockdown differently. If there were dancers who found joy in performing routines in their living rooms, this didn’t apply to her. “My space is small; I don't even have a mirror to see what I'm doing... But more than that, too many thoughts were just seeping in, and I felt that everything was just going down on me.”

Always a deep thinker, Joan was weighed down by thoughts that one’s dancing years are limited, that getting back to the same momentum she already had would take very long, and if she could even still call herself a dancer given that she hadn't been performing in front of an audience. “I know my age and that I'm not the strongest built dancer. I have weak muscles and weak joints. It took a lot to get to that point and for it to crumble down little by little due to the lockdown with all the limitations was just so hard on me.”

She continues, “I also thought about all the family Christmases, New Years, birthdays and other celebrations that I missed, working hard on my dancing. And for that [my career] to be put on hold makes me feel like I worked hard for nothing. But I’m okay now, really okay!”

Determined to escape her worries and anxieties, the principal dancer distanced herself from social media for weeks (so as not to compare herself with the situation of other dancers) and found other ways to cope with the situation. “Since dancing at home didn’t work for me, I tried different things. The plant craze made me a plantita. All my plants died though! They probably died because they were affected by my negativity. What I found to be really helpful was making handmade crafts.”

With a pleased smile, Joan does a brief virtual tour of her place in Pasay, wherein self-made macramé rope pieces could be seen accenting her white walls. “I added lights to these [her macramé pieces]. These days, whenever I’m down, I’d find joy in just seeing my works with the lights on.” 

Asked where her interest in weaving macramé came from, the ballerina explains that it’s rooted in her younger years of making friendship bracelets. “It was the best crafty thing to do back in the day. Even before dancing, I was really into arts and crafts. I remember that the best surprise I got from my mom then was an art set with colored pens and pencils. I guess I just went back to it [the joys of my childhood] during lockdown.”

With macramé taking her mind off her troubling reflections, she gradually dealt with her frustrations. “I remember when we were allowed to head back to the studio around June. I would sneak in during hours wherein I knew that there was no one really there. I also didn't like to tell that I was working on something because I just felt so insecure of myself. But eventually, it felt good being back, especially when projects came in. It felt that we were going back to some kind of normal.” 

While ballet was at the forefront of her days again, this time, it had more to do with teaching virtual classes at The Lisa Macuja School of Ballet, and even doing choreography for the school’s recital. “Back then [before the pandemic], I really wasn’t comfortable with interacting with the students and their parents after the ballet portion of the class. This entire [social distancing] setup changed that though. With students entering at different times due to their internet connection, I am pushed to entertain them while waiting for the class to be complete, which I now really enjoy; and I really make an effort to make them feel that they’re all friends in that class.”

As for choreography, it’s also something that doesn’t come naturally to Joan. But she likes going through the many hours of listening to music, arranging, and counting, as she says there’s so much reward in seeing kids learn, get challenged, and perform a piece well. “Not only do they surprise me when they perform, they also surprise themselves. I really look forward to doing more of it in the future. Through choreography I get to learn about myself more – how I feel, how I interpret, how I can make things work. All while learning more about people.”

She reflects, “Indeed, the teaching, interacting, working on choreography, and setting up of equipment all on your own is tough, but all these tasks do not compare to the amount of work people from behind-the-scenes do for us dancers when we do live shows.” 

Acknowledging that teaching younger dancers and keeping her body in shape through company classes are all that she can contribute these days to ballet, she made sure to continue doing these activities during her recent long stay in her hometown. "During the lockdown, I kept thinking that now is the best time to catch up with family, so when the opportunity presented itself, I decided to fly home." Her time in Cagayan de Oro allowed her to explore other ways to be creative, especially since she was helping her older sister, Jennie, prepare for her wedding. 

“I got to discover other ways to let out art and my emotions while I was home. I helped my sister choose clothes, fix [wedding] decorations, design her hair, and work on her make-up,” the ballerina enumerates. But perhaps the best creative thing that occurred in that family occasion was Joan being able to share her passion for dance with family and friends by performing with her co-principal dancer and real-life partner, Elpidio Magat. 

“Ma'am Lisa [Ballet Manila artistic director Lisa Macuja-Elizalde] was very kind to lend us costumes, give us a leave of four days, and let us dance and enjoy ourselves at the wedding,” happily expresses Joan. “It felt good to dance in front of a live audience again. Up to now, I’m craving for more pocket performances. Oh, I cannot wait for things to be normal again!” (She and Elpidio performed the Nutcracker Pas de Deux twice last December for two shows via Zoom – which she described in a Facebook post as a high that reminded her “what it’s like to be a performing artist again.”)

Joan points out that she wouldn’t have regained her craving to perform if it were not for her family. “That’s my biggest learning during the past year – that it all goes back to family. When you're young, you tend to take family for granted because you're focusing on your career. But when I went home, I realized how much I needed them, how much they helped me from afar or whenever I'm home.”

The ballerina puts forward how much she appreciates how her dad would park the car elsewhere daily just so she could use the garage space to teach and do demonstrations for younger dancers, as well as participate in company classes – all online. Meantime, Joan’s mom would remind her of the importance of her passion – that as the whole world was under strict lockdown, it was art, including dance, that kept people sane through the lockdown. 

“My family helped me become more confident; it's because of them that I got to pick myself up again,” concludes the principal dancer. “Having a supportive family is the biggest push I have right now.”