By Jv Ramos

Due to his schedule getting busier and busier, Sean Pelegrin can’t remember much now about the past two years. Sure, he remembers launching his coffee business called SP Coffee in February 2 of last year, but the rest of the pandemic time was rather uneventful due to the absence of classes in the studio and live performances.

“Noong una akong nag-online class, wala pa talaga akong official na gamit para sa ballet,” shares the Ballet Manila company dancer. “Chair or cabinet lang ang barre ko; tapos ang floor naman ay linoleum na pang-kitchen. Okay naman siya, may support, kaya lang madaling magasgas ang dance shoes ko.” (When I first started online classes, I didn’t have the proper equipment for ballet. The chair or cabinet were my barre; and for the floor, I used a linoleum meant for the kitchen. It was okay, there was support, but it would quickly destroy my dance shoes.)

Like many others, Sean thought that the community lockdown and, in his case, his makeshift dance studio would only be around for a few weeks. But when the situation didn’t get better, he began to really feel how limiting and uninspiring it was to dance at home.

“Dito sa bahay, kaunting extend lang, kailangan mo’ng mag-ingat dahil baka may matamaan ka,” Sean paints a picture. “At dahil nga limited ang space, na-burnout ako sa mga klase. May point na nag-isip ako kung bakit itinutuloy ko pa. Naisip ko rin na baka pagbalik ko sa studio, hindi ko na magagawa ang mga nagagawa ko before.” (Here in the house, when you extend even just a little, you have to be careful that you won’t hit anything… Because the space is small, I experienced burnout from classes. There was a point wherein I questioned why I was still continuing doing this. I also thought that maybe when I returned to the studio, I couldn’t do what I could do in ballet before anymore.)

What made matters worse was his entire household got COVID-19, which put a stop to all his physical activities. “Ang symptoms ko ay sobrang sakit ng lower back ko, tapos the next day, ang sakit na ng lalamunan ko at pati na rin ang pagkawala ng lasa at pang-amoy,” the dancer looks back. “Time iyon na wala pa tayong talagang alam sa virus. Dahil sobrang sakit ng katawan ko, pinahinga ko ito nang isang buwan. Siyempre, pagbalik ko, feeling ko na back to zero ako ulit.” (My symptoms were extreme back pain, then eventually sore throat and loss of taste and smell… I got COVID-19 during the time when not much was known about the virus yet. Due to the body pain it caused, I couldn’t do any physical activity for a month. So when I got back to dancing, I felt that I was starting from zero again.)

Burdened by continuous negative thoughts, he opened up to his usual support team – his girlfriend Jessica Pearl Dames and her twin sister Jasmine Pia Dames, both Sean’s fellow dancers in Ballet Manila, and coach Robert Osorio of Ballet Sports Science, the trainer who helps many dancers with strength conditioning and injury prevention (who is also Pia’s boyfriend) – with the hope of understanding his situation more.

“Dahil walang nangyayari sa ballet, naisip kong tumigil at mag-business na lang,” he goes. “Si Pearl ay ang type na mag-su-support ng kung ano man ang pipiliin ko, pero sinabi rin niya sa akin na sayang naman ang many years of training ko kung ngayon ay susuko ako.” (Because nothing was happening in ballet, I thought of quitting and just starting a business… Pearl is the type who would support whatever decision I make, but she also told me that my years of training would be a waste if I were to quit now.)

Sean continues, “Tama siya doon, at naisip ko rin na kung mag-business ako, may ganoong risk din. Kung nag-quit ako sa pagsayaw at hindi nag-click ang business ko, mas lalo akong mahihirapan. So ang ginawa ko, tinuloy ko lang, at dahil din maluwag ang schedule ng Ballet Manila, nagawa ko rin i-start ang coffee business ko.” (She’s right there, and I also realized that if I start a business, it also involves a risk. If I had quit dance and my business didn’t click, things would be a lot harder for me. So what I did was just to continue ballet, and since Ballet Manila’s schedule was quite relaxed, I was also able to set up my coffee business.)

Always a coffee enthusiast, Sean began SP Coffee by simply packing and reselling beans and drip bags, and soon, this developed to him offering ready-made drinks, including flavored iced coffee.

Despite being occupied with his passions, Sean notes that his inner demons would return once in a while, and every time it happened, Pearl would tirelessly tell him to keep fighting, because anytime, Ballet Manila could come back. “Iyan din ang sinabi sa akin ni Coach Robert. Dapat i-ready lagi ang katawan, para kapag bumalik nga, hindi ka hirap na hirap.” (That’s also what Coach Robert told me, to keep training. That I should work on keeping my body in shape, so that when performances return, you wouldn’t find it so hard to adjust.)

"Sa ballet, malaking tulong talaga na may support, na may mga taong nagsasabi sa iyo na laban lang." He points out that whenever he feels unmotivated or needs to clear his head, he finds it helpful to discuss his issues with close friends. "Kapag kausap ko sila, mas nauunawan ko ang mga nasa isip ko." (In ballet, it’s really important to have a support group, people who would keep reminding you to keep going… When I talk to them, I’m able to understand better the thoughts that keep bothering me.)

Indeed, with the help of friends, this danseur was able to get his body ready in time for Ballet Manila's preparations for the Asian Grand Prix last year, where Sean and other company dancers were formed to compete in the senior group category. "Ready naman ang katawan ko noon, pero mas naging ready pa sana ako kung mas maaga ako nag-prepare. May mga times talaga na naging tamad ako noong pandemic." (My body was ready to dance then, but I could have been more ready had I begun training earlier. There were times when I just felt lazy during the pandemic.)

The danseur adds that to be able to make it back, you'd have to be proactive at grabbing opportunities and spend time getting used to the new normal. "Nu’ng pinayagan na ang mga dancers sa studio noong una, nag-reserve ako ng slot agad. Mahirap mag-adapt ulit sa malaking space. Hapong-hapo ako noon. Nahirapan din akong sumayaw na naka-face mask. Pero wala, kailangan mo na masanay para makabalik sa pagsasayaw.” (When they allowed dancers to use the studio again, I immediately reserved a slot. It was hard adapting again to a big space. I easily got tired too! It was also challenging to dance with a face mask. But you really have to go through these challenges to be able to continue dancing.)

Sean expounds that he also had to get over the notion that class was just for maintenance – that it would really lead to roles and performances. Moreover, there were really many things he had to get used to doing again, such as partnering, even if his dance partner is his longtime girlfriend. Participating in dance films also put forward a whole new challenge. “Hindi lang naman one take iyan at tapos na, kahit wala kang mali. Maraming ginagawang takes dito para maganda talaga, so as a dancer, kailangan mo ng stamina para magawa mo nang maayos ang lahat ng takes.” (Dance films never involve one take, even if you don’t make any mistakes. Many takes are done so they can come up with a really good film. As a dancer, you need to build stamina so as not to waste any of the takes.)

These days, Ballet Manila’s resident barista is trying to balance his duties in Ballet Manila and SP Coffee. “Enjoy ko pareho pero ang priority ko ay ballet,” he underlines, adding that he recently had to put coffee orders on hold, as he had to fill in for an injured dancer for the weekly Star City shows. “Ang ibang activity naman kasi puwede mong gawin kahit anong taon ka, ang ballet hindi! Gustong-gusto ko rin kasi ang ballet dahil nakakatanggal ito ng stress. Ang laking tulong nito sa akin.” (Other things can be done at any age, you can’t do that with ballet. I really like ballet too because it’s my way to fight stress. Dancing has really helped me a lot in life!)

Asked what he would advise younger dancers who experience laziness and burnout, Sean goes, “Ang sasabihin ko ay huwag nila hayaan ang katamaran. May mapupuntahan ang training mo kahit hindi mo nakikita na may nangyayari sa ballet.” (What I’ll tell them is don’t allow the laziness to linger. Keep training!  Something good will come out of their continuous training, even if they can’t see anything happening in ballet.)

“Pero kung grabe na ang burnout mo, mag-rest ka, rest na magpapa-reset sa iyo. Tapos kung ready ka na, bumalik ka at sumabak. Huwag mo nang balikan ang time na tinamad ka! Kapag kasi binalikan mo iyon, parang nakapag-decide ka rin na ititigil mo na.” (But if the burnout is too much to take, go and take a rest, the kind of rest that would allow you to reset. Then, when you’re ready, come back to ballet and give it your all. Don’t go back to the time when you were lazy, because if you do that, it’s like you’ve already made up your mind to quit.)

Regarding the roles he’d like to take on, this company artist expresses that he’s fond of every role that he has been given. He declares, “Lahat kasi ng sayaw ay maganda para sa akin. Ayaw ko rin na may dream role ako, kasi gusto kong ibigay ang best ko sa lahat ng role na mapupunta sa akin. Sa bawat performance ko, gusto ko itong sayawin na parang last day ko nang sasayaw.” (All dances are beautiful for me. I also don’t like the idea of having a dream role, as I would like to give my all to every role assigned to me. In every performance, I want to dance like it were my last time dancing.)