How fatherhood is inspiring Jamil Montibon to be a better dancer
Family is Jamil’s constant inspiration. He and wife Gene and daughter Chloe had this family portrait taken in 2019 when Chloe turned one. Photo by MarBi Photography
By Jv Ramos
Ballet has long played a symbol of hope in Jamil Montibon's life. As a teenager, it was what pulled him out of a cycle collecting and selling trash to put meals on the table. As a young man who entertained vices at one point, ballet gave him purpose and a second chance at a better life; and as a father in his twenties, dancing helped him to give his wife and daughter the means to live comfortably.
And finally, during the past two years of the pandemic, ballet reminded him of life’s important lessons – how one is never alone when dealing with difficult moments, and how one can always be better.
Now that live performances are gradually returning, Jamil Montibon – seen here in a performance of Sari’t Bahag in 2014 – is committed to becoming a better dancer. Photo by Ocs Alvarez
"Ang inakala ko'ng dalawa o tatlong linggo lang ay bigla na lang naging dalawang taon, at kung titignan ko ang lahat ng nangyari sa mga taon na ‘yon, masasabi ko na sobrang nahirapan talaga ako." (What I thought would only last for two to three weeks suddenly became two years, and if I were to reflect on all that happened, I would say that it was such a difficult time for me.)
Jamil candidly shares that the savings he had at the start of the pandemic was quickly drained, which led him to take on various jobs to be able to survive. He and his wife Gene, for instance, started selling iskrambol (a popular Filipino iced dessert) and snacks like hotdog and kikiam. At one point, the danseur even took on work as a kargador (carrier) in a factory.
"Mahirap pala ang maging kargador," recalls the danseur, who is father to three-year-old Chloe. "Ang sakit sa katawan! Naalala ko noong una kong sinubukan ito. Halos isang linggo akong hindi nakapasok dahil nagka-trangkaso ako at sobrang sumakit ang katawan ko. Sobrang hirap niya rin dahil fixed ang bayad at madalas kaunti lang kayo nagtratrabaho sa isang araw. At ang food business naman namin ay maliit lang ang kita. Sa isang araw, pwedeng 150-200 pesos lang. Buti nga at nabawi namin ang nilagay namin na pera." (It’s difficult to be a carrier. It leaves the body in such pain. I remember when I first tried it, I couldn’t come to work for a week because I caught the flu and my body just hurt all over. The setup was also very difficult because the pay was fixed. And since there were only a few of us in a day, you always end up being overworked.)
Jamil notes however that no matter how difficult times were, he never felt that Ballet Manila – where he started as a Project Ballet Futures scholar and eventually became a company artist – was so far away from him. "Nabibigyan ako ng financial support na talagang nakatulong sa aking pamilya, at sobrang nagpapasalamat ako na nagpa-klase din sila noong pandemic." (I was given financial assistance which really helped my family, and I’m really appreciative that Ballet Manila conducted online company classes during the pandemic.)
In 2019, company artist Jamil Montibon (third from left) was part of Martin Lawrance’s The Winding Road, one of the numbers in Ballet Manila’s Deux production. Photo by Ian Santos
He experienced so much joy in participating in company classes via Zoom, even if his rented home didn't have the ideal conditions. "Sobrang init sa amin dahil sobrang kulob, gawa sa bato. Maliit din ang space, at ‘yon, minsan distracted dahil sobrang kulit talaga ni Chloe. Pero kahit mahirap, ang saya ko talaga na nakakapag-ballet ako!" (It’s very hot in our place because it’s made of concrete. The space is also very small, and sometimes, you can get really distracted by Chloe because she’s so energetic. But no matter how unideal the conditions were, I was so happy that I was still able to dance!)
The online company classes somehow became an indicator that the good old days could return; moreover, training from home allowed him to show to his daughter that he wasn't giving up on his dreams. "Bilang isang tatay, ayaw mo ipakita sa anak mo na sumusuko ka, na nahihirapan ka," Jamil explains. "Gagawin mo talaga ang lahat para mabigyan ng magandang buhay ang pamilya mo." (As a father, you never want to show your child that you’re giving up or that you’re struggling… You’ll really do everything to give your family a good life.)
True to his word, Jamil has been giving ballet his all since COVID-19 restrictions were eased, and more artists were allowed to return to the studio. Towards the latter part of 2021, he took part in Gerardo Francisco Jr.'s Border, a video entry to the Asian Grand Prix which would later win gold in the competition’s contemporary senior group category. This year, Jamil has been occupied with Ballet Manila's monthly Dance Day Live! virtual performances and weekly performances in Star City.
While all these may seem minimal for a professional dancer used to participating in a regular season, it was rather challenging for Jamil to get back into shape after almost two years of practicing in a confined space and the limited studio time.
Jamil (fifth from left) and his fellow dancers cast in Border, choreographed by Gerardo Francisco Jr. (front, second from left), are all masked up in the studio. The piece won gold in the Asian Grand Prix competition last August. Photo by MarBi Photography
"Naalala ko nu’ng una akong tumungtong sa studio. Ang reaction ko, ‘Wow! Bakit ang papayat nilang lahat?" he relates laughingly, referring to the principals and soloists. "Naalala ko rin na kapos ako lagi sa hinga at nanibago talaga ang katawan ko nu’ng sumayaw ulit ako sa studio! Feeling ko, ang bigat talaga ng katawan ko. Nasabihan din ako ni Ma'am Lise [artistic director Lisa Macuja-Elizalde] na, 'Ang lusog mo!’” (I remember the first time I entered the studio. My reaction was, ‘Wow! Why is everyone so thin? I also remember being always out of breath and how my body couldn’t adapt easily when I danced again in the studio. I felt that my body was really so heavy. Ma’am Lise even teased me, ‘You look so healthy!’”)
Laughing while reminiscing his return to ballet, Jamil reiterated that he continued to persevere in ballet due to his daughter. "Kahit gaano akong kapagod, kahit gaano kasakit ang katawan ko, ‘pag uwi, lahat nawawala ‘pag nakikita ko si Chloe. Ganyan din ang naranasan ko noong pandemic. Kahit stressed na stressed na kami at kapos, nawawala ito lahat kapag nakikita namin si Chloe na kumakanta at nagkukulay sa bahay. Kapag magulang ka, ang gusto mo lang ay makita ang anak mong masaya sa ginagawa niya."
(No matter how tired I am, no matter how painful my body is, all that seems to go away when I come home and see Chloe. I experienced the same thing during the height of the pandemic. No matter how stressed and how short in funds we were, we’d forget about all of it when we see Chloe happily singing or coloring in the house. When you’re a parent, the only thing you want is to see your daughter being happy in what she does.)
Asked if his three-year-old has expressed interest in dance, Jamil shares that Chloe would at times attempt to do ballet moves, especially when she would see him taking classes online. She was also very impressed by his Arnis performance in a Dance Day Live! session. "Basta't gusto niya, susuportahan at susuportahan ko siya! Pero ngayon, mukhang ang hilig niya talaga ay pagkanta. Bumibirit eh!” (If she says that she likes to do ballet, I’m here to support her. For now though, singing is what she really likes to do. She belts out!)
Three-year-old Chloe is clearly Daddy’s girl. Jamil says of his daughter, “She is the reason I wake up and dance every day.” Photo courtesy of Jamil Montibon
Now 27, this one-time beneficiary of Ballet Manila’s Project Ballet Futures scholarship program is more focused than ever to do well in as a dancer so he can continue being a good father. "Si Chloe talaga ang dahilan kung bakit ko ginagawa ang ginagawa ko. Hindi ako nabigyan ng problema nang nagkaroon ako ng anak. Nagkaroon ako ng dahilan para bumangon at sumayaw araw-araw." (Chloe is the reason why I do what I do. I was not given a problem when I had a daughter at a young age. I was given a reason to wake up and dance every day.)
Jamil recalls that it was only when Chloe arrived in his life that he had a perfect attendance and was very behaved in class. "Binati nga iyon ni Sir Shaz [co-artistic director Osias Barroso]! Napakakulit ko kasi noong araw at madalas ay nale-late!" (Sir Shaz even pointed out the huge change! I was really naughty and always tardy back in the day!)
Switching to a more serious tone, this danseur swears that he’ll never be late again. "Kapag tumatanda ka na kasi, hindi mo alam kung ilang opportunities na lang ang mayroon ka. Pinagsisisihan ko talaga ang panahong lumayas ako sa BM; maraming oras talaga akong sinayang! Ayaw ko nang magsayang ng oras, kaya naman ngayon, lahat talaga ay ibibigay ko sa BM. Kahit pagod na sa rehearsal, hindi ako susuko. Kahit mabigyan ako ng role o hindi, papasok at papasok pa rin ako." (As you get older, you don’t know how many opportunities you still have left. I really regret that time when I left BM; I really wasted so many opportunities! I never want that to happen again, that’s why I’m really giving the company all that I can now. Even if I’m tired rehearsing, I’ll keep going. Even if I’m given a role or not, I’ll keep showing up at the studio.)
Jamil shares that one role he would really like to dance one day is Acteon in the popular pas de deux, Diana and Acteon. "Ang angas kasi tignan ng role na ‘yon. Pero sa ngayon, hindi pa puwede dahil hindi pa talaga ako in shape! Pero ipagpapatuloy ko ang trabaho para makayanan ko ang role na ito at masayaw ang kahit anong role nang maayos." (Acteon really looks so cool. But for now, I won’t be able to dance it since I’m not yet completely in shape. I’ll keep working hard though, so I can dance Acteon or any role given to me well.)
In a Project Ballet Futures scholars’ showcase as part of Tuloy ang Sayawan in 2019, Jamil joins Rissa May Camaclang (left) and Jessa Balote and, at the back, Juan Angelo De Leon and Sixto Dones. Photo by Erickson Dela Cruz
As of this interview, Jamil has been busy rehearsing the Ali Variation from the classic Le Corsaire which will be used as one of the front acts in a Star City show soon. "Sana talaga tuloy-tuloy na ito," says the danseur, referring to the return of live shows. "Nakaka-miss talaga ang mag-perform sa harap ng maraming tao. Lahat nga kaming dancers ay gustong-gusto nang sumayaw sa Aliw Theater." (I’m really hoping that ballet and dancing in front of an audience would keep continuing from here. We all really miss performing in front of many people… All of us dancers are raring to dance again in Aliw Theater.)
Though hopeful about the future, this Ballet Manila artist points out that it’s important to have learned from all that’s happened in the past. “Dapat handa ka lagi. Importante ang mag-ipon, para kung magkaroon man ng pandemic ulit, ready ang pamilya mo.” (You have to be prepared always. You have to remember to save, so if another pandemic comes, your family is ready.)
He adds that one should also learn from one’s mistakes. Jamil vows he is done with his days of taking ballet for granted, and more importantly, he refuses to let his daughter go through the same experiences he did. Though he reconciled with his father a few years ago, growing up without him left an indelible mark on Jamil. “Ang hindi-hindi ko pararanasin kay Chloe ay maging part ng isang broken family. Lumaki akong hindi kilala ang tatay ko, at sobrang hirap ng buhay ko. Ayaw kong maranasan ng anak ko ‘yon.” (What I’ll never let Chloe experience is to be part of a broken family. I grew up without a father and life really was so hard. I don’t want that kind of life for Chloe.)
With Chloe’s first school year coming up, Jamil is motivated more than ever to excel in ballet, and of course, to make new memories with his daughter. Smiling, he expresses, “Mararanasan ko na rin ang paghatid-sundo sa kanya.” (I’m finally going to experience taking my daughter to school and fetching her.)
Jamil (fourth from left) says he will forever be grateful for the opportunities Ballet Manila artistic director Lisa Macuja-Elizalde (third from left) and the company has given him. Photo was taken after a Nutcracker Adagio performance at Maybank Theater, pre-pandemic.
