By Jv Ramos

The COVID-19 pandemic has forced many teenagers to quickly mature, and ballerina Elyssabeth Apilado is no stranger to this. As a member of Ballet Manila’s second company before the pandemic, she went from heading to the studio every day after school to learn ballet to not thinking about ballet at all when the community lockdown kept extending.

“Nu’ng natapos ang kontrata namin noong May 2020, hindi na po ako nakapag-klase kahit sa online. Kailangan ko kasing makahanap ng paraan para kumita at tumulong kay Papa at Mama,” recalls the dancer, who’s more known as Lyssa to her friends. (When my contract ended in May 2020, I didn’t join the online classes anymore. I needed to find a job to help out my parents.)

“Nalungkot ba ako? Hindi ko na masyadong inisip ‘yon. Hindi ko talaga inisip muna ang ballet noong time na ‘yon, kasi iba ang priority ko. Pamilya muna!” (Was I sad to stop ballet? I really didn’t think of that. I really didn’t think of ballet back then, because I had a different priority. Family first!) Only eighteen at that time, Lyssa’s job hunting soon led her to a popular fastfood chain where she became part of their service crew. “Doon ko na-realize na mas mahirap ang ibang trabaho kaysa sa ballet. Naalala ko na sobrang payat ko noong time na ‘yon. Eight hours ka kasi nakatayo, tapos 20 minutes lang break mo.” (That’s where I realized that other jobs are harder than ballet. I remember being so thin then. You were required to stand up for 8 hours, and you were only allowed a 20-minute break.)

Fortunately for the young ballerina, she didn’t have to be part of the fastfood chain for long, as she was invited to join TV5’s Lunch Out Loud. The noontime show had a segment called Dance Entertainment wherein dancers of different genres would collaborate and compete. “Kinailangan nila ng kapalit sa isang contestant na nagka-COVID,” Lyssa explains. “Tamang-tama dahil requirement ang marunong sumayaw ng ballet.” (They needed a replacement for a contestant who tested COVID-positive. The opportunity was just right for me as they required the contestant to be a ballerina.)

During the closed taping, Lyssa observed parallels between her life as a former trainee in Ballet Manila and as a dance contestant for TV. “Agad-agad mo’ng kailangan mag-choreograph o matutunan ang iba’t-ibang sayaw. May live audience din, kaya kahit magkamali o madulas ka, kailangan parang walang nangyari. Tuloy-tuloy pa rin na nakangiti,” she recalls. (You have to quickly put together your own choreography or learn different styles of dancing. There was a live audience as well, so you have to keep going even if you make a mistake or if you slip. You also just have to keep smiling.)

“Nandoon ang kaba, pero katulad ng dati, nawawala naman ito kapag nagsimula na akong sumayaw. Siguro ang pinakamahirap lang ay hindi mo alam kung saan ka titingin.” (I also felt nervous, but just like in ballet, the jitters stop once I begin dancing. Perhaps the most difficult thing about being on TV is not knowing where to look.) When performing in a theater, according to Lyssa, ballerinas know exactly where the audience is for a show or where the judges are when one is competing, so it’s easy to establish a connection. Meanwhile, in TV, cameras are placed everywhere in the studio, so it’s challenging for the performers to know exactly where to look and figure out how to project their best angles.

“May kasamang stress din siya,” continues Lyssa, while fondly reminiscing her TV experience. “Pero iba ang stress ng bagay na na-e-enjoy mo! Kapag hindi mo kasi enjoy ang ginagawa mo at stressed ka pa, parang sinayang mo lang ang time at effort mo.” (The experience was also stressful… But the stress was different because I was enjoying the experience. If you’re doing something that you don’t like and it gives you stress, it’s like you just wasted all your time and effort.) The ballerina confesses that this is what she often felt when she took on jobs that weren’t related to her passion in the past two years, which included encoding work and selling essentials like food and face masks in front of their house.

“Ang natutunan ko talaga noong pandemic ay mag-ipon o humawak ng pera. Dati kasi medyo magastos ako, ang bata ko pa kasi noon,” the ballerina reflects, reiterating that it’s really difficult to earn if what you’re doing isn’t something you’re interested in. (What I learned during the pandemic is how to save or handle money you’ve earned. I used to spend a lot before because I was young and I didn’t know better.)

Given that Lyssa was busy helping out her family, returning to ballet professionally was the last thing she expected to happen. “Actually, may time na akala ko nga tapos na ako sa ballet.  Two years kasi ako natigil, kaya akala ko, baka hindi na maging interesado sa akin ang company.” (Actually, there was a time that I thought that ballet was over for me. After all, I had not been training for two years, so I thought that the company wouldn’t take interest in me anymore.) Despite not seeing a future for herself in the art form, Lyssa showed up at the Ballet Manila studio when the opportunity for her to take classes was presented.

“Every Saturday, nagpupunta ako sa studio para mag-klase. Sobrang miss ko na kasi mag-ballet. Na-miss ko ang rehearsals, ang bonding with other dancers, ang performances. Pati nga ang boses ni Sir Shaz ay na-miss ko talaga!” Sir Shaz or Osias Barroso, one of Ballet Manila’s founding members and former co-artistic director, was known for being tough on students, especially during their formative years, but this was something Lyssa has always appreciated for she feels that every correction and every tip from him made her a better dancer and person.

How she returned to Ballet Manila began with a simple Facebook message. “Bigla na lang nag-chat sa akin si Ma’am Lise (artistic director Lisa Macuja-Elizalde) bago matapos ang March, at nu’ng nag-offer siya ng contract, umiyak talaga ako. Hindi ko kasi in-expect ‘yon.” (Suddenly, I received a message from Ma’am Lise towards the end of March, and when she offered me a contract, I cried and cried.)

Lyssa, now 20, discloses she was at first hesitant to accept the offer given that there were other dancers who had continued their training, despite not having a contract during the pandemic. But when she realized that Ballet Manila was truly interested in having her back and training her, she embraced the opportunity to rejoin. Today, she finds herself training almost every day; and on weekends, she helps out with classes at the Lisa Macuja School of Ballet and performs in front of crowds at Star City for BM’s weekend shows.

“Hindi madali ang pagbalik ko, syempre. Noong mga unang beses na sumali ako sa mga company classes, iyak din ako nang iyak. Ang hirap kasi! Marami ako’ng hindi magawa,” she looks back. (My comeback was difficult, obviously. During my first sessions with the company class, I kept crying because I couldn’t do many things.) In fact, there was even a time when a more seasoned dancer had to take over her assigned role as she couldn’t be ready enough for a show.

“Hindi ko magawa ang Shades variation (from La Bayadere) noong una, kaya si Ate Jessa (company artist Jessa Balote) ang pina-perform… Buti na lang marami ako’ng matulungin na ate dito. Sila na mismo ang nagsabi sa akin na huwag ko madaliin. Mahirap talaga sa una, kasi two years ako nawala.” (I couldn’t perform the Shades variation at first, so Ate Jessa replaced me… It’s a good thing that I have so many helpful big sisters in the company. They reminded me to take things slow, that ballet classes would be difficult at first because I wasn’t doing them for two long years.)

Encouraged by her fellow dancers and her love for ballet, Lyssa, until today, keeps showing up at the studio, working hard to be a better ballerina each day. “Kung gusto mo talaga mag-ballet, alam mo dapat na tuloy-tuloy ang trabaho,” the ballerina speaks out. (If you really want to do ballet, you have to know that the work never stops.) Indeed, practicing and practicing makes what you used to find difficult possible, but it also means that you have to work harder to make it to the next level.

Asked about her dream roles, Lyssa immediately underlines that she won’t leave Ballet Manila until she has performed the one she’s always eyed. “Black Swan talaga ang gusto ko! Pero marami rin na sayaw ang Ballet Manila na gusto ko rin ma-experience. Katulad ng role ni Kitri sa Don Q, ang contemporary na Arachnida. Basta, gusto ko masayaw ang mga fierce na roles. Nababagay daw kasi ito sa mataray na itsura ko!” she blurts out laughingly. (Black Swan has always been my dream role! But Ballet Manila has many dances that I also would like to experience. There’s Kitri from Don Quixote, the contemporary piece Arachnida. All I know is I want to do the fierce roles. These are said to be the roles that fit my snippy personality!)

Laughing at the idea of how one’s physical looks and personality can dictate one’s roles, this dancer points out that it’s never enough to just want something in ballet. Everyone has to put in the hard work, as one’s career is dependent on so many factors. For instance, there’s the forced break that all performance arts companies had to impose due to the pandemic, not to mention the reality that a ballet dancer’s career doesn’t last long.

“Mas focused na ako ngayon kaysa sa dating Elyssabeth. Iba na kasi ngayon. Like sa katawan ko pa lang, kailangan na mas alagaan ko ito. Lumaki ako at hirap akong magbawas, so kailangan ko ng mas maraming workout. Kailangan din tanggalin ang soft drinks. Hindi lahat ng ginagawa ko dati ay puwede!” (I’m more focused now than the old Elyssabeth. Things are very different now that I’m older. Just take a look at my body as an example; I have to be more careful with it. I gained weight and it’s difficult for me to lose weight. So I have to do more workouts and stop consuming soft drinks. I can’t keep doing all that I used to do.)

Lyssa concludes that ballet isn’t for everyone, the same way other jobs like working for a fastfood chain and encoding aren’t for everyone. “Na-realize ko na sayang lang ang binuhos kong oras sa mga bagay na hindi ko naman talagang gusto. Sana ginamit ko na lang ang oras sa pag-attend ng online classes para napabilis ang pagbalik ng katawan ko. Oo, ngayon, desidido na talaga akong ipagpatuloy ang ballet at gagawin ko ang lahat para dito!”  (I realized that I wasted so much time doing things I don’t really like. How I wish that I just attended more online classes, so I could have regained my dancer’s body sooner. Indeed, I am now very sure that I would like to be a ballerina and I’m willing to do everything for it!)